My periods were what I’d call ‘normal’ until I reached the age of 19. Then they started to become really heavy, irregular and painful. I’d be out with friends and go from not bleeding at all to leaking heavily through my clothes within an hour. The people I was friends with at the time weren’t really real friends and used to make fun of the fact I’d leaked & go as far as posting on social media and laughing about it. I’d get called names, told I smell and that I needed to take a shower. In addition, I had dark hair on my upper lip which I got bullied for.
I now know this is due to PCOS.
Around the same time that my periods became heavy I started suffering with depression and feeling suicidal. I’d take drug overdoses because I felt I couldn’t cope with any aspect of my life. Again, this caused me to become bullied and accused of seeking attention. I remember being on a hospital ward after trying to end my life where I received messages saying things like “if you don’t message me now I will never be your friend again”.
In 2017 my mental health took a turn for the worst and I tried to end my life six times in three months.
I was lying in resuscitation after being brought around and my now ex partner texted me saying “I don’t want to be with someone as weak as you. I can’t be bothered to be there for you, I don’t want to be there for you and nobody will ever want a girlfriend like you.” I was crying my heart out and I can honestly say to this day I have never felt pain and depression as I did that day. I am on Citalopram and have been for over a year now, it does help the symptoms of depression in particular because my mental health syncs with my irregular period cycle, but I still get horrific times of the month where I experience really debilitating low mood.
Another side effect of endometriosis I really struggle with is the pain.
I have been in bed for days on strong pain relief such as tramadol because I have an intense, unbearable shooting pain in my abdomen. I bleed anywhere between 2 weeks to 2 months, and it’s exhausting.
It took around ten years for me to get my diagnosis of endometriosis.
I have had four surgeries, the mirena coil, the contraceptive pill and Zoladex. I’m 30 years old now and want a child but I have the constant worry about potentially being infertile because of this condition.
We need better education on this condition for everyone, including the medical professionals. Too many people are suffering in silence and desperately need help. I really want to help raise awareness of this condition and its physical and mental side effects.
